Alexis G. Lyons

Self-Interview

Question: So tell me a little about yourself.
Answer: Well, I like words. Music I'm pretty happy with, too. Kitchen utensils give me more trouble.

Q: I was actually thinking more in terms of biographical information.
A: Oh. Let's see, I moved to New York in January of 1998. I started working here that summer...Hhhm. I'm not so good at this. Could you maybe ask more specific questions?

Q: OK. What were your goals when you moved to the city?
A: Gosh, I think I was hoping to achieve either fame without fortune, or fortune without fame.

Q: How do you rate your progress?
A: Well, I've achieved neither so far, so I guess I've been halfway successful.

Q: Do you know any good jokes?
A: Yes, but most other people don't find them funny.

Q: Can you give me an example?
A: Sure. Probably my favorite is, "A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Hey, why the long face?'"

Q: (pause) Oh, is that it?
A. Yeah.

Q: I'm sorry, I was waiting for a punch line. I don't think I understand it.
A. Don't feel bad. No one gets it. Actually I do know at least one that most people like, but I don't think it's appropriate for this forum. You'll have to email me if you want to find out.

Q: Moving on, didn't you steal this idea from David Byrne's liner notes to "Sand in the Vaseline"?
A: Yes, but I don't see any need to bring that up. Will you excise that?

Q: Of course. In closing, what do you see yourself doing over the next couple of years.
A: Right now I'm working on a plan to simplify the alphabet. People are very busy these days; they don't have time for 26 letters. I think it could be a very lucrative field.

Q: Thanks for your time. Good luck.
A: Please, the pleasure was all mine.